Bill Wilson Center

Father

Can you feel it in the air? I’m a brand new person in this human race
I walk around this snow covered ground in my memories of a distant place
The life I had before was great but now it’s time to grow up and change
Life never stops going and turning, sending me new and different pains
As I look out at my family, I see everyone playing really all so happily
Why can’t I harness the energy inside of me to be the way I wanna be?
Free! Free of pain and stress at work! I’m 24, what happened to being 18?
That younger me has now deceased and changed oh so completely!
I remember a time when I had parents to rely on and ask for anything
I was never responsible for nothin as long as I had them to be there for me!
And I remember walks with my dad, telling me to learn how to act my age
And I would kind of just look at him as if he was really strange!
But know I see what I wanted for me! My story has now been rearranged!
The little boy beside my dad grew up into a rebellious father who I hate!
But it’s still me…Or is it? Have I and the real me begin to separate?
OMG!! What have I done?? I grew up way too fast for me to take!
As I look down into the eyes of my seed, I see me smiling back at me
He knows I’m his only dad, a father who in his eyes is everything!
And that’s when I cry and turn away, I’m sad to say, I can’t take the pain
Knowing I used to only let people down, I turn around and look back again
And he’s still there smiling, loving me, beaming with so much delight!
I smile and think of my dad! All the wisdom he had! I knew he was right!
So why did I wanna fight it all? I was young and dumb and kind of still am!
If I listen to my inner self, I’ll take up my cross like a god damn real man!
Why am I so scared to be a father? Why bother with worry? I know I can!
Issues inside me barrage and devour my heart as I decide to be a dad!
Something ain’t working! I’m hurting! Really!!! Loving this way is mad!
But I am able to look at my wife and say “I love you and always will”
And if anyone tries to come between us I’m ready to go in for the kill!
I know I can love without hurting and will learn to without hesitation!
The best thing my dad told me was to love the journey, not the destination!